Labels: the world as it is
on my 300th post:
Officially last post here. (unofficially i might come back on some rare days though)
Got tumblr now, and I'm loving the anonymity.
(enter my name here)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Labels: and who am i?
If you don't come back, so won't I.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Labels: the world as it is
Hold on tightly. Hold on to your heart if you don't want it to get hurt. Keep it, Hide it. Don't ever let it go to anyone so easily. Your trust, your heart, your feelings - Don't lose it so easily anymore. You are the only one that can love yourself.You make yourself happy. You do it all.Not because of silly hopes you wished on silentlyNot because of words that you find your own meanings toNot because of the long wait on a long tiring day,Not because of the little things that you wantBecause you want to.Be happy, Be truly happy form now on.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Labels: the world as it is
I've made the decision, again. At least, I made one. About time I did too. If not; Let's not get there.Can't really say what it feels now, but I guess it's much better this way. I can't really say/know if this is good, I am better now. Just let out a huge sigh of relief. Maybe relief is the right word to sum it all. I can't know for sure now if it's going to happen to me anyway, but I know I am going to be okay. All by myself - I think I can get used to it. After all, it's not that hard. Just throw in some short scandals here and there, catch up with a few friends every now and then and oh yes, most importantly, going for a hiatus once in awhile. Come on Shafienas, you need to believe in yourself more.Regret? Can't let go? Should I have not instead? What is this "right thing" to do? I'll use up all this time to find that answer. Maybe somewhere along the way, sometime in the near future?I am not going to question this decision again. I am not going to look back, no matter how much I miss it. No, don't you dare silly girl. You've wasted so much, given so much, hoped for so much. Don't you dare go back there. Regret? Disappointed? Confused? Or perhaps sorry? Go figure yourself out. Take it slow. You have all the time now. What a ride it has been. Ready for another one?Hmm not now, maybe not even in the near future.Idk when I'd ever be ready again,but I guess I'll know when the time comes.When you are confused, and don't know what to choose, flip a coin.When the coin is in the air, you'll suddenly know what you're hoping for.(enter my name here)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
"I love you so much" can't measure to how much I really do. "Thank You" isn't enough too.
Today is his birthday, Salleh B Hamid.
Happy Birthday Dad. Happy HAPPY Happy Birthday! May Allah bless your kind soul, and may you live a long healthy life. May you be given "murah rezeki" and may all other good things be in store for you. Thank you for what you have always done for this family, for me especially. Thank you for the love, the care and concern, the time and the effort you have poured in to make us into what we are today, to bring us all to where we are today.
You are a strong man that seldom shed tears. Though you may be short-tempered at times, I still want to thank you for raising us up to be responsible, respectful adults. You are my idol and I wished I could have lived your dream for you. Of course, that wouldn't be a waste. It'd be my pleasure to realise your dream for you. Maybe one day, I'd be given the chance to do it; Insyallah.
It's not too much if I say that this man is the best father for me. He may not be the smartest, the richest or even the most handsome dad ever, but he is the right man for the job: Father. He gives me love, more than I could ever ask for. He looks after me, cooks for me, fights with me. He would bring a smile to my face, He could also be very scary though. Every morning, I would prefer it all quiet and peaceful. But he spoils by annoying me, and asking all the useless questions one can think of. Every day, I would prefer delicious foods, according to my taste. But he would just re-heat whatever food we had yesterday and if we are lucky, he'll add a few stuff to it. Still, it'd be delicious. Every night, I'd want to spend time watching my favourite korean shows/dramas, not that I'm not watching it all day. Or sometimes, I'd have assignments to do and get all stressed up. Then either way, he'd come to my room and disturb all the "don't-disturb-me" time that I have.
But if he doesn't do all these stuff, only God knows how dull my life would have been. How hard it is for me to go through this long, tough (bs) life that I have. This man is a father and a friend to me.
On this day, I want to thank you for always being there for me and supporting me, even when I don't appreciate it. I want to apologize for always forgetting to call you, or talking back to you. I want to say that I love you so much and that I am definitely a daddy's daughter because you are the best dad any girl could get. Even when you'd force me to go home early, or not on the phone for too long, or not allow me to go for an overnight chalet with my friends, or worry about the littlest things I could possibly do, I still want to thank you for making em into this person that I am.
If I haven't been the best daughter to you, or haven't given just as much back to you, then I will make sure I try even harder form now on. I want to make you proud, I want to make you happy, I am 19 now so you can let me walk by myself.
But even so, I still want you to hold my hand when we walk, irritate me and joke around with me as if you are the child, and keep on nagging and (over)protecting me like you have always done so. I may get angry but every time, I know you only do so because you love me too much also.
I may not express it much but I hope you know how important you are in my life. I do not even want to think/imagine a single day without you. So while I still have the time, I hope I won't ever disappoint you too much, or make you angry or bring tears to your eyes.
There are so many things that I want to say still but I guess this much is enough here. Once again, Happy Birthday and ILUSM. Thank you for everything <3
(enter my name here)
Monday, September 27, 2010
Labels: the world as it is
I never expected my big day this year would turn out this way. Much have I learnt, Much have I received, and Much More will I return. This year, it's by far the happiest (and saddest) big day of all my other years. Or at least, that's what I feel right now.
Everyday, I learn something new. Today, I learn that people are meant to change. I learn that we get busy, and we forget. We ignore the smallest things, and we think it is okay. We don't really lie, but at least it is the truth. We leave out some things, and talk more about other things. To much sometimes, that we often end up with a different end in mind. Today I learn that in this life, there will be people to hurt you, to bring you down, to step on you, to treat you like a stain. These people may be the people closest to you, not just your enemies.
But we forgive because "we are friends" and we forget because "we are friends". That is life and it still goes on.
I realise now what I'm worth to the people around me. My family, My friends. Who I am, What I am, How special I am. They say what you don't know, can't hurt you. Today, what I don't know, hurts me alot. To not know my place, To not know what is real and To now know what are just mere words (without meanings or feelings attached) - I almost lost myself.
But that is exactly what life is, and we will all learn how to move on. Even if it takes more than just one try, I will not give up and move on. Even if I don't want to, I will move on for the sake of my own happiness, not his. I will move on.
I am really thankful for all the love that I am getting. I do not want to put off this happy feeling just because I didn't get what I wanted. I guess it is also true when God doesn't give you what you want, it is not what you need then. If I don't need it, then I shall not wait for it anymore.
Hence in conclusion:
What I have learnt 1) Of change. 2) Of hope and disappointment. 3) Of life and tomorrow
What I will keep in mind 1) The true concept of honesty. 2) If I don't need it, then I do not want it. If I can live w/o it, I don't need it. If I am hoping for it, then I only want it.
Thank you all <3 From the bottom of my heart, thankyou terima kasih arigatou kozaimas kamsahamnida^^V
(enter my name here)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Labels: the world as it is
"Don't you dare smile/laugh when I am angry. You are obviously in the wrong, does it look like I'm in the mood to joke? Don't you dare accuse me, and put words in my mouth when I have yet to explain myself. Don't you dare act like you know me well. Don't you think for one second, that I am your friend."
It is so disappointing that in the end, they could hurt me too. Even after I've been beside them, even after I've stood up for them - They just say it like I don't care. They say I'm good this way, They must be joking. They say I don't need to change, They must be lying. They are my friends.
It's hard. I just can't tell them. I'll just have to figure myself out.
They cannot know, They wouldn't know.
(enter my name here)